This Ticket limits our liability. Read It.

 By reading the enclosed, Reader (hereby referred to as Reader) agrees to imdemnify Batman (hereby referred to as Writer) from the following:

 Resolved: that these are not movie reviews, and therefore Writer reserves all rights to spoil every plot turn, line of dialog, and gratuitous Matthew McConaughey casting that he sees fit, not only with the movie in question, but with any movie he has seen, heard about it, or simply made up, even if Reader really, really was going to see that one, but couldn't figure out how the Netflix queue works.

 Resolved: that these are not reviews, Reader will not hold Writer responsible if Writer does not convey if a movie is Good (hereby defined as Good) or Bad (hereby also defined as Good). This is largely because Writer isn't sure either.

They say I’ll see anything, but actually, I have three rules of moviegoing:

1) Okay, it’s true. If asked, I will see anything. That includes, but is not limited to, a film like Nights in Rodanthe.

2) The catch is, if you ask, you have to come with me. This means you’re going to endure Diane Lane and Richard Gere discover the true meaning of love by my side. Thusly, I have never seen a Henry Jaglom film, except for the 5 accidental minutes of Eating I caught on IFC, which is referred to in the household as The Incident.

3) Once a year, I pick a film that I absolutely will not see. In years past, this has included Ed, She Hate Me and Bewitched. I usually know by the trailer.

(more…)

I love the Mann Agoura Hills 8.  Not counting the extremely lame Malibu Twin, which has seats up to six feet away from the screen, and no left aisle, which I’m fairly sure is illegal, and totally sure is annoying, the Mann Agoura Hills 8 is the closest theatre to my house, but more importantly, no one ever goes there.  When Return of the King. came out, we first tried the Calabasas 6, since it had an earlier showtime (9:30a), and, much more importantly, a Cold Stone Creamery in the complex. I like to pre-sweeten my peanut M&Ms with a little ice cream. We were sad, briefly, since the film was sold out for two days straight. Driving home, we thought, we’ll try the 10:20a at the Mann Agoura Hills 8, but they’ll be sold out too.

It was half full on opening day.

Half full. (more…)

Due to popular demand (my friend Bob), I am going to write a few paragraphs about every movie I see.  These are not reviews, and are only intended for people who have seen the films.  They may and will contain spoilers, but they will also not contain information about the film.  It’s more to talk about what makes movies good and bad, in my opinion, which, since everyone has an ‘I’, is the only opinion that counts.  If you haven’t seen the movie, you will be bored.  If you have, you will probably be bored.

(more…)