This Ticket limits our liability. Read It.

 By reading the enclosed, Reader (hereby referred to as Reader) agrees to imdemnify Batman (hereby referred to as Writer) from the following:

 Resolved: that these are not movie reviews, and therefore Writer reserves all rights to spoil every plot turn, line of dialog, and gratuitous Matthew McConaughey casting that he sees fit, not only with the movie in question, but with any movie he has seen, heard about it, or simply made up, even if Reader really, really was going to see that one, but couldn't figure out how the Netflix queue works.

 Resolved: that these are not reviews, Reader will not hold Writer responsible if Writer does not convey if a movie is Good (hereby defined as Good) or Bad (hereby also defined as Good). This is largely because Writer isn't sure either.

Why on earth, as a fan of Mr. John Carpenter’s 1982 version, would I see the teens-ies remake of The Thing?  The first answer – I will see anything – is certainly true, it doesn’t actually mean that I see everything, only any.  Thing.  So why does one wind up at some movies and not others?  In the case of The Thing I saw it to wash the taste of Hugo out of my mouth, which it did.  Why did I see Hugo?  Because there weren’t any good times for the The Thing.  Which leaves us with why I would want see The Thing in the first place.

I already said.  Because I just saw Hugo.  Pay attention. (more…)