This Ticket limits our liability. Read It.

 By reading the enclosed, Reader (hereby referred to as Reader) agrees to imdemnify Batman (hereby referred to as Writer) from the following:

 Resolved: that these are not movie reviews, and therefore Writer reserves all rights to spoil every plot turn, line of dialog, and gratuitous Matthew McConaughey casting that he sees fit, not only with the movie in question, but with any movie he has seen, heard about it, or simply made up, even if Reader really, really was going to see that one, but couldn't figure out how the Netflix queue works.

 Resolved: that these are not reviews, Reader will not hold Writer responsible if Writer does not convey if a movie is Good (hereby defined as Good) or Bad (hereby also defined as Good). This is largely because Writer isn't sure either.

Given that I’m still working on a 3000 word treatise on the 2011 The Thing, a film which no one saw or wrote about, and one that I only mention to talk about other films, I will be brief in my address of the equally unpopular The Darkest Hour.  I’ve always felt that these bits have to be a certain length, contain a certain number of gags and so forth, but this is just the requirement of my editor, who only exists in my brain.  So I did the only sensible thing.  I sent him to Glecknor 7.  He’s in my brain; it’s not like I could have had him fired. (more…)